Golf Humor

Golf Humor

Tough Putt

A golfer and his caddy walk up to a long par-3. The cocky golfer says, "Looks like a 4-wood and a putter". The caddy hands him the 4-wood and he tops it about five feet in front of him.

The caddy immediately hands him his putter and responds, "It looks like you got one hell of a putt left!"

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Tough Course

Mac invited his friend Jimmy to play at his new club. Since Jimmy had never played the course before, Mac pointed out the trouble spots and where to aim on the first hole.

Jimmy teed up, addressed the ball, took a couple of waggles and took a vicious swing. He hit a foot behind the ball, tore up the teebox and totally missed the ball. Unphased he stepped back, took a couple practice swings and again addressed his ball. This time his swing missed everything.

He stepped back from his ball again, looked at Mac and said,
"Boy, this is really a tough course!"

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The Walk
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" asked the instructor.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

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Red Tee

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, concentrating on my swing mechanics, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. "Would the gentleman on the women's' tee back up to the men's' tee, please!!" I was still deep into my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, " Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S' tee kindly back up to the men's' tee!" I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more he yelled out, "Would the man on the women's' tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!!!"

Finally, I stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window, directly at the person with the microphone, and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut the f... up, and let me play my second shot?"

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Mulligan

An American went to Scotland and played golf with a newly acquainted Scottish golfer. After a bad tee shot, he played a "Mulligan" which was an extremely good one. He then asked the Scottish, "What do you call a Mulligan in Scotland?"

"We call it 3."

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Echo

A golfer hit his ball into a ravine. His buddies heard `whack, whack, whack' on and on, until finally he got the ball out. His buddy asked, "How many strokes did it take you to get out of there?" He said, "three", but his buddy said, "I heard seven."

His reply was, "Four of them were echoes."

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Golf Gun

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?", asked the first detective. "He was shot with a golf gun," replied the other. "A golf gun? What's a golf gun?"

"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."